Monday, September 29, 2014

New Rain Washes Everything Clean

A fresh start.  Finally.  Do you know what divorce does?  Let me give you an example.  The other day I decided to make chocolate zucchini brownies.  The recipe called for one egg, lightly beaten.  I've seen on Pinterest before that if you shake an egg really hard, you can scramble it inside its shell.  I didn't want to dirty another bowl, so I thought I would give it a try.  I started to shake that sucker and wouldn't you know it?  I got overzealous and threw the sucker across the kitchen and it splattered everywhere.

I stared at the mess I made and I started to cry.  What a representation of my life these past few months.  One decision and everything you thought you knew is smashed in front of you in a way that can't be repaired.  Yes, we did come to an amicable agreement, but almost 8 years of my life were to be filed away in a "Clint" folder in my mind.  I cried as I cleaned up the mess.  I cried because of Pinterest, because I'm clumsy but mainly, because that's how life is.  Parallel lines of what you're doing and how it relates to your current situation.

I took out another egg.  This time I put it in a bowl on its own and beat it before adding it to the mixture.  Sometimes, taking longer measures equals less stress.  Sometimes, more work equals less work in a way.  I finished my recipe and tasted the batter like a normal woman would.  It was chocolatey and you couldn't taste the zucchini.  I put the pan in the oven and waited, checking the center with a toothpick every so often.  When they were done, they were just what I wanted.  My baking skills were never up to par, but I've slowly gotten better.  They were delicious.  I stood at the counter, tasting the brownies I made (I never let anything cool properly, thanks instant gratification), and I had another moment.  Even with the mess I had made at the start of the recipe, I successfully executed what I had decided to make.  And those parallels showed up again.

I needed a new start.  I wanted a monsoon to come clean everything in my life.  It might feel like you're drowning.  You might try to eat your feelings disguised as chocolate zucchini anything.  You might question your decisions, whether you made the best ones.  But out of the mess, beauty can emerge.  And that, in and of itself, is hope inspiring.  And sometimes, a wee bit delicious.

3 comments:

Amy @The Crazy Wise Woman said...

Congrats on your first blog post! Divorce blows doesn't it? I am still muddling thru every day. Hang in there:)

Adrian {Happy girl} said...

I love how you found the silver lining, in both your baking and life decisions! So happy you're blogging again!

Monica said...

I completely understand - I have been divorced two years and it still feels like I am a complete mess some days. I read that you need 1 year of recovery for every 3 years married. We were married 12 so I still have a long time - lol - new follower from Amanda :)

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