Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Hello October

October, already.  October is going to be a bittersweet month for me.  I would have been married/together for 6/8 years this month which is, of course, sad and Wilder will be with his dad on Halloween.  His dad did get them matching Mario and Luigi costumes, so I can't wait to see how it turns out.

Through Instagram, I saw a blogging challenge.  Blogtober14, it's being called.  Helene In Between (a very rad girl who is much cooler than I could ever be) shared a picture and I decided to jump on it to get back into the swing of blogging.  I'll be blogging EVERY day in October, so you'll always have something to read if you're bored.

Helene in Between

Today's prompt is: If You Won The Lottery, You'd...

This is kind of a loaded question. The impulsive side of me yells, "A MANSION!  IN THE HAMPTONS! I NEED IT!"  And maybe I would do that, Tj wouldn't argue with me since we love cooler weather but I'm sure property taxes would eat us alive and I'm not pretentious enough to live there, I don't think.  I think we would buy a spread close to my mom's house but with a lot of land and custom build my (our) dream house.  Maybe a wall of windows, cedar shakes, a beautiful interesting color.  The windows facing the unobstructed view of the sunrise because that's my favorite time of day.  While my house was being built, I would try and steal the kids away and take a month to explore Ireland.  Or just buy a vacation home in Maine, so I don't have to deal with sweltering Texas summers.  I would, of course, help my family, put the proper amount away in savings and retirement.

I would buy one of the old buildings in this tiny town and open a restaurant.    I've been scoping the town out for lonely, neglected building I could break into find information about.  The lottery would help me do so much more to this town and rejuvenate it.  I'm almost positive I would travel, slowly though, not all at once.  I just told Jamie that I want her husband to carve giant chess pieces so we could play huge chess in the pasture.  The lottery could totally fund that whimsical, superfluous idea. And MAYBE, I would buy the clothes in my Pinterest closet...Maybe...

Also, I did Megan Card's Scarf Swap again.  I got partnered with a girl from Florida and she did amazing right??  

Stick around to see what the rest of the week is like!

Monday, September 29, 2014

New Rain Washes Everything Clean

A fresh start.  Finally.  Do you know what divorce does?  Let me give you an example.  The other day I decided to make chocolate zucchini brownies.  The recipe called for one egg, lightly beaten.  I've seen on Pinterest before that if you shake an egg really hard, you can scramble it inside its shell.  I didn't want to dirty another bowl, so I thought I would give it a try.  I started to shake that sucker and wouldn't you know it?  I got overzealous and threw the sucker across the kitchen and it splattered everywhere.

I stared at the mess I made and I started to cry.  What a representation of my life these past few months.  One decision and everything you thought you knew is smashed in front of you in a way that can't be repaired.  Yes, we did come to an amicable agreement, but almost 8 years of my life were to be filed away in a "Clint" folder in my mind.  I cried as I cleaned up the mess.  I cried because of Pinterest, because I'm clumsy but mainly, because that's how life is.  Parallel lines of what you're doing and how it relates to your current situation.

I took out another egg.  This time I put it in a bowl on its own and beat it before adding it to the mixture.  Sometimes, taking longer measures equals less stress.  Sometimes, more work equals less work in a way.  I finished my recipe and tasted the batter like a normal woman would.  It was chocolatey and you couldn't taste the zucchini.  I put the pan in the oven and waited, checking the center with a toothpick every so often.  When they were done, they were just what I wanted.  My baking skills were never up to par, but I've slowly gotten better.  They were delicious.  I stood at the counter, tasting the brownies I made (I never let anything cool properly, thanks instant gratification), and I had another moment.  Even with the mess I had made at the start of the recipe, I successfully executed what I had decided to make.  And those parallels showed up again.

I needed a new start.  I wanted a monsoon to come clean everything in my life.  It might feel like you're drowning.  You might try to eat your feelings disguised as chocolate zucchini anything.  You might question your decisions, whether you made the best ones.  But out of the mess, beauty can emerge.  And that, in and of itself, is hope inspiring.  And sometimes, a wee bit delicious.
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